Random thoughts on a Friday night...and Sunday afternoon

This might be sad...just be forewarned...

Today is one of those beautiful fall days that make living in New York special. Cool, crisp, sunny, and my lawn is still too wet to mow, so I sat on my porch with a cigar and a beer rather than while away time indoors. and I miss Jibboo...

I miss my dog terribly. The photo on this blog is of Jibboo, who died in August. She was a truly great companion. She listened, didn't judge, was agreeable to any trip, walking or in the car, and she really didn't mind if I made a mess in the kitchen...in fact she liked it.

Terri has taken the loss of Jibboo very badly. As much as I think I am connected and aware of her feelings, I feel badly that I didn't anticipate how hard the loss would affect her. I have had pets, and had to "put down" pets before. It doesn't make it easier, I just knew what to expect. She had never had that experience, and I am sorry I couldn't be of more comfort to her. She has had a lot of stress lately, and losing Jibboo was one more blow.

Sitting on the porch, I realized how badly I wanted to see Jibboo lying in the grass in front of me. She would come when called, and sit with me, or at my feet and be petted, or scratched, and somehow, it made things better.

I am not sure we are ready to get another dog, but I hope we are soon. My son Thomas trained her beautifully. She was funny, did all kinds of tricks, and listened, better than than anyone I have known. I miss her terribly.

She was riddled with cancer when we found out what was wrong. I feel such overwhelming sadness that I couldn't know that she was ill. By the time we knew, nothing could be done. It isn't guilt I feel, more a sense of helplessness that this wonderful creature who offered and expected nothing but love couldn't be saved.

I am not morose by nature, but today was a day for a walk. A day when we could have explored the weeds around the school for lacrosse balls, a day to burn a "dog walker" and spend time outside. A day when we would have come home and she would have collapsed on the living room floor. A good day to nap.

There is no good closing for this. I am sorry Jibboo. I am sorry that you are gone, sorry that I didn't know you were sick, sorry that we had to take that last trip to the vet, that we came home without you...to a home that isn't the same.