"Inheritance"

Last year I lost my mother to a terrible, debilitating condition known as Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, or PSP for short. In many ways it resembles Parkinson's or Lou Gehrig's disease as Mom slowly lost use of her limbs and required assistance with everything. Toward the end, she could not even swallow. Instead of water, upon which she would choke, she was given nectar, thickened water that she could swallow more easily. It was very difficult to see her like this, but she received excellent care at St. Joseph's Villa in Baden, PA and my sisters, brother and I are very grateful for the love and care she was shown.

As we sold my parent's home and tried to marshal all the resources we could for her care, my Mom often said how disappointed she was that "there's nothing for you kids" to which we would reply, "yes, Mom, we want to put you in a cheap, inferior nursing home so we get the money..." It was never an expectation on any of our parts that an inheritance was coming. The house was...a house. Home is when you are with family. It isn't dependent on a structure, at least for us. Home really is where the heart is for us.

In 2010, I decided to return for my doctorate. As I have written previously, this was "not my first rodeo" and I was determined to finish. I hoped my mother would live to see it, but I knew that was a very long shot. Her illness was progressing according to the diagnosis, and she passed away in Spring during my last class. I had gone to see her in March and encouraged my brother to come home as soon as he could, it seemed that dire, and he did. Bob, Helen, and Marianne were with my Mom when the priest administered last rites. Bob had called me and I was on my way to PA, but I wouldn't get there until the next day.

Her breathing was labored, and she was having a terrible time speaking. Her words came out in a hoarse croak when she could speak. With Bob, Marianne, and Helen standing there, sadly coming to grips with the inevitable, my Mom managed to croak out "There's no inheritance." Here she is, nearing the end, and her sense of humor still enabled her to break the dark mood as though they'd leave when they realized there was no money coming...

My mother did not pass that night. I got to see her that week, and stayed with her until Wednesday. Sadly, she did die that Friday, my sisters were with her at the end.

But that is not the story.

My sister Helen was executrix of my mother's modest estate, and in the course of going through documents Helen found a life insurance policy that had not been cashed. There WAS an inheritance!

I finished my dissertation the summer after my Mom died. I was sorry that she would not see me finish, sorry that she didn't live to see any of her grandchildren marry, but I was relieved that she was no longer trapped in a body that had failed her, her mind was still (obviously) sharp to the end, but the illness robbed her of everything else. I got the phone call that "Dr. Nairn's dissertation has been accepted" in August.

We had finished the paperwork for the insurance company about the same time I finished my degree. And then I realized, the "inheritance" was a little more than I needed to buy my regalia.

Even if she couldn't be there, I had her with me.

The real inheritance is not the money. The real lasting gift of both my parents was a healthy regard for education, a commitment to having a good work ethic, and perhaps most important respect for others.

I miss my Mom and Dad terribly. Especially at times like this when I want to share with them, this Fall when my daughter gets married, the achievements of all my children as they have grown up to be good people with character. That is the inheritance...