Writing what I know makes me consider the as yet incomplete arc of my life, and the incredibly "charmed" nature of life thus far. I grew up in a three bedroom, one bath home in a working class neighborhood. I believed myself to be "middle class" until I came into full contact with truly middle class individuals...in grad school. My naivete persisted that long. I realized that the college friends I had who I perceived to be well-off, to be members of some more privileged class were, in fact, the middle class I believed myself to be. Not so....
Looking back, realizing that a relatively parochial, inexperienced young man took his pregnant wife 700 miles from friends and family to pursue a degree at less than 1/3 of his previous compensation with no guarantee of housing was a true "leap of faith," or an act that defies credulity, anyway. So comes the "charmed" nature of this missive. I have been incredibly fortunate to have been surrounded by good, caring, and supportive people all of that time. My grad school friends were outside the room at the hospital where I sweat through my shoes waiting for daughter to be born. Literally, my socks and feet had taken on the dye of my shoes from the hours on my feet, and there they were...for me, for Terri, for my new baby...Charmed.
The life of a graduate student is, as most know, hardly a time of plenty. Terri and I looked forward to the "every other Thursday" pay day when we ordered a pizza, bought a six pack of good beer, and lived "large" for the time. Sometimes I think that was a happier, simpler time when our expectations were not so large and we could find contentment in "small, good, things." I was again fortunate to have wonderful and supportive mentors and supervisors. When the university was on break I would pick up extra hours, I worked "full time" when I could and with Terri's salary as a Nurse we lived well, even buying a new car to deal with the heavy winters we would experience. A new car, during a recession that resulted in friends at home dealing with lay-offs and worse. Help finding quality child care on a very limited income. Exotic holiday dinners with South African ex-pats and hardcore vegetarians. Charmed.
It wasn't the "things" we acquired that make me feel that way, it was the journey from my, our roots in blue-collar working class homes to a world where we sometimes felt like aliens. And again, we were embraced and welcomed and learned a new language of sorts, the way to navigate among those who had not lived pay-to-pay, those for whom a second home or cottage was significantly more than a mobile home "camp" in the mountains to visit in hunting season. But again, not things, but learning to appreciate music and art and intellectual pursuits. People who helped to move me in new directions while respecting my past and values. Charmed.
In this time of "memes" and seemingly inescapable messages on Facebook, Twitter, and the like, one that stood out for me was an eCard that said something to the effect that "happiness is realizing your children are good people." As I look at the incredible people our children have become, I realize once again how rich and fortunate my life has been, wealth/things or not. Charmed.
It is hard for me at times to see myself as I am. I am now older than my maternal grandfather with whom I was very close. Pap was always "old" even though he died at only 57. I had a child's perspective and it is still hard for me to imagine myself as "old" as he was. In my mind's eye I am still somewhere in my 20s-30s, still able to run and lift and play hard...the reality is far from that, and yet I realize again how much I have benefited from a life spent, not in hard labor like my grandfather and dad, but in meaningful work I have enjoyed and continue to enjoy. Charmed.
Terri and I have been married over 35 years now. It is not easy, I know there are people who disparage those who view a marriage as work, but the truth of the matter is that it is work. We have persevered through a lot of changes in that time. We have had difficult moments, and moments of joy. We have said things we wished we hadn't, done things we regret, but we've managed to find what is most important and stay the course. It is not a fairy tale, but fairy tales aren't true. We have worked, and loved, and disagreed, and made the best of things when they were difficult. Maybe it's not charmed, but it is pretty good. Caitlin got married a year ago, Thomas recently got engaged. They are seeing friends marry and start families, and sadly Terri and I have both remarked that these are stages, somewhere along the line friends divorce. You have to make choices about relationships (who keeps the friends?) and how to navigate new waters. But they are prepared. Caitlin, Thomas, and Craig are all solid, and I am very proud of them. Charmed.
I have been battling some personal demons as of late, and I keep coming back to "how can someone who is so fortunate focus on the negative forces in his life?" It makes me feel as though I haven't appreciated all the good things that have transpired. It makes me feel as though I am inadequately grateful for my life. My charmed life.
