Reflections on a new beginning and an old ritual...

My nephew got married this weekend. He is the first of the "cousins" to marry. My three children and my two nephews are nearly perfectly spaced, 31, 29, 27, 26, 24, and so this was a big event for all of us.

A marriage is always a big event, and I wish him and his new wife the best as they begin a life together. I can't imagine starting out today, although I am sure it is no worse than when I married at 23. We were very young, as they are, and at that age you have a certain optimism and perspective that carries you through some lean times. I did not share with him the story of Terri and me looking forward to the Thursdays when we both got paid because we could splurge on a Del's Pizza from a small place in Essex Junction, VT. A loaded Del's pizza and a six-pack of beer and we were living large. My daughter was an infant, I was in grad school, and we had no....I mean no...money.

The reception was fairly typical for a Western Pennsylvania wedding. Lots of food, plenty of beer and an open bar, home made hot sausage, and the cookie table. Everyone's favorite, the cookie table with a chocolate fountain and lots of strawberries for dipping. The DJ played all the usual wedding songs, "we are family", "celebrate", "the chicken dance", and the Pennsylvania Polka for the bridal dance. The bridal dance is a "pay a buck to dance with the bride" deal which now extends to the groom. I gave them a $20 and told my nephew to invest in dance lessons. He is a terrific young man and I wish them all the best.

The big difference in this event was the wedding itself. They married in a church that still celebrates the Latin Mass. I spent my earliest years with the Latin mass but by second or third grade Vatican II had come in and Latin started its rapid decline into "dead language" territory.

For those unfamiliar with the Latin Mass it is not designed for participation as much as observation. The priest spends most of the service with his back to the congregation. It is heavy on ritual and repetition. The prayer book moves from side to side bathed in sandalwood smoke, the bells ring throughout the consecration of the host, no one but the priest touches the host, there is a small pan placed under the communicant's chin as communion is received so no crumbs of the sacrament touch the floor. The whole service, wedding and mass lasted 1 hour and 40 minutes.

Most of my friends and family know that I am not religiously inclined. The church and I parted ways several years ago, and I am certain that our differences are irreconcilable. That said I realized that my nephew has really committed himself to this church and this young woman, and I have enormous respect for that. There is a richness to the ritual, and an ancient connection through the use of Latin and the non-involvement of the congregants. While it is not a choice I would make, I understand the need for ritual and the comfort that many people find in the church. I struggle with the exclusivity of the congregation. If you were not a practicing catholic, or following catholic doctrine you were NOT to take communion. That was clear. The priest also made much of the woman's role in marriage and the necessity of procreation. He indicated that marriage was under attack.

There was so much I disagree with, but I have to recognize that there is a role for ritual in our lives. Some of us find it in the cup of coffee shared with a friend, with the office celebration of someone's good fortune or anniversary, or, for some the exclusive ritual of an ancient language shared among like minded souls...