Mixed emotions, or not...

I had a very disturbing experience recently, one that has made me think about how I perceive others and what I think I want from them. A friend and colleague committed an act of fraud that has ruined his career. He and I have not been in touch in some time, we both changed jobs and moved in different directions, but the time we had spent working together was enjoyable and important at the time. And now, I don't know what to say.

I accept that as much as I believe we are in the business of education, the business of changing lives and helping people realize their best selves, we are also in the credentialing business. Credentials are at the core of what we do, it is proof that people have met a standard.

My friend represented that he held credentials that he did not have. And my sense of my own ability to judge character is shaken.

He had been very complimentary to me when I, at last, gave up on an Ed.D. I was pursuing when I knew that I could not, would not, give it the time it demanded. Then, and now, I rationalized it as a choice I made, not a failure. It came down to the sacrifices I was unwilling to make, and I spent my time being a Scout Leader and an assistant coach, I went to games and concerts, and I didn't finish, and he lauded me for that. I was touched. I genuinely liked and respected him, his opinion mattered to me, he was a younger guy making big moves, and maybe, just maybe, (or probably) I got a vicarious thrill from his accomplishments. We presented at national meetings, we attempted to launch networks, we had the kind of intellectual discussions about our profession that I wanted and needed.

Was it all a sham?

I really don't like thinking that I have been misled. I hate feeling as though I let myself be played. And I hate most that someone I liked and admired and respected could fail so spectacularly.

some thoughts about head injuries...

I haven't written in a while, and while I would like to blame that on the busy-ness of work and life, the painful truth is that I often think about sharing something and then decide that NO ONE in their right mind would care about what I might think or say. But this is different. I wrote briefly about this on my web page and now I have processed and thought it through to where I feel I should say something. Even when the topic, the title above is so depressing or possibly morbid.

Junior Seau, a former professional football player, recently killed himself. He shot himself in the chest, sparing his brain, which his family has donated for research. I am not a die-hard football fan, but I liked what I saw of Junior Seau, he played hard and passionately, and he was a team leader. Dave Duerson formerly of the Chicago Bears killed himself in the same way not too long ago. Too often we hear about the post-concussion syndrome former NFL players experience and the toll it takes on their lives. Some might say, "so what? these guys make lots of money beating their own bodies and the bodies of others, why should I care?" to which I answer, because it isn't just at this level...

I played high school and college football, and while I was never a great player, I remember the head injuries I endured in practices and in games, and realize how much harder and faster these players at the "elite" levels are being hit. I was a 210lb defensive end in Division III, now players at my position might weigh 290lb and run a 4.4 40 yd dash. Agile, mobile, and hostile just scratches the surface...Besides the training, conditioning, and nutrition, what has changed? The equipment.

My first few helmets were lined with leather and cotton webbing like you would see in a nice preppy belt. It was a plastic shell with enough suspension to keep my head from colliding with the sides of the helmet. If I hit someone really hard, or if they hit me, I felt it. Big time. Later I had a more modern helmet with plastic and foam, and air bladders that helped fit the helmet to the unique contours of my head. I still had teammates who missed games due to severe concussions.

Today, I see updated technology, but the same basic designs, a hard shell lined with bladders and foam, but how well will it protect you, or your son, when a 200-300lb person moving at high speed collides with you? The problem as I see it is that the violence of the game has escalated as players have gotten bigger, stronger, and faster, and the equipment has not kept pace. Sure there are "flak" jackets for quarterbacks and other protective gear for necks and knees, but the helmet is more a weapon than it is a protection.

Lacrosse contact is not as violent as football, there are body checks but no tackles, and yet I have seen the same kind of glazed eyes on players in lacrosse, hockey, even soccer when big, strong, fast people collide.

So, I worry. I worry about young people with long lives ahead of them being permanently damaged just to play a game for too few years. I wonder how many of my 55 year old aches and pains are the residue of pushing a young body too hard, making it do and endure more than it needed.

By the way, my last concussion (at least the last one I remember) I received playing softball. (I wasn't a very good 2nd baseman.)