Should seems a harmless word, but its power lies in how it is used. Should can be terribly hurtful in its different uses, past, present and future tense. When we look back and berate ourselves for what we "should have done" we allow the should to invoke feelings of guilt or failure. "I should have known better", I should not have said that to her". Should can take on a power that we need not allow it. When advised by another "here's what you should do", we cede power to the speaker as well as the word if not aware of the implication that we somehow don't know what to do. Others can use the word to critique and possibly berate you. "You should have done it this way" implying their superiority or greater expertise.
Often the should slips into our thoughts at random. "I should practice my guitar more, I should get to the gym today, I should clean up my office." All are guilt-inducing and self deprecating. Perhaps self-flagellating would be a better choice. (I should have thought of that first) see?
The looking ahead at the should can also induce fear of failure whether in an active or passive way. "Should I apply for that position?" Should I ask for more money as I am now doing two jobs since the down-sizing?
Shoulda, woulda, coulda. A wry take on how we do not practice self-care.
